the usual end-of-year post. and the benefit of being listomania*.

Posted by kennymoron on December 22, 2010 · 5 Comments 

Whoa, I really can’t believe it that it’s December the 22nd already. Although I must say that this year is one of the good year in my life. I remembered there’s a year (I don’t remember which year exactly) that suddenly passed and I felt like I did nothing on that year, and just wasted my time. But this year is different. I felt like at least I’m doing something for my life.

However, there’s this uncomfortable feeling in my gut. I know the culprit. It’s because I keep leaving the things that I need to do to face the future (jeez, it sounds so deep) on and on again. Am I under pressure now? To be honest, I don’t really know myself because I feel fine and okay. But I realized that deep down I actually feel.. scared, a bit hopeless, inadequate, not good enough, and.. more. Basically I don’t feel good about myself.

Although I feel like I am one of the most positive-thinking person in the world (it’s an exaggeration, but anyway..) I still have some negative thoughts in my head that I can’t avoid but I’m doing my best to push it away from my mind.

Down under, I know if I’m doing what I’m supposed to be doing I’ll feel better, but I just don’t want to. I know I need to kick myself in the back and tell myself to keep going and just do it, and I’ll do it, soon, not now. I know I keep making excuses and doing other stuffs except the one that I should do such as posting a new post in this blog just to keep my mind off that thing. And I know that I’m rambling now.

Pardon me.

I’m a bit crazy about list, and I like making list (I like the song Lisztomania by Phoenix too, not that there’s any relation to it whatsoever). Okay, so let’s start the list! The things I need to do (updated, as of May 2011):

• Updating my CV
• Following up on my master’s application
• Working on my Personal Statement essay (i did finish it, but i’ll make a better one)
• Follow up with the referrers
• Start studying for GMAT
• Preparing for transcript and other documents needed
• Start thinking about how am I going to move my stuffs back to JKT (in JKT already)

Hmm, I think that’s okay for now. The funny thing is I made several list of the things that I need to do already. And I did it more than once. Even more than twice. And it’s a bit frustrating that I cannot cross out even one of the item on that list(s).

But anyway, I know I can, and I will, do it soon. I just have to be ‘in-the-zone’ or I may need to force myself to be ‘in-the-zone’. Right now I just want to enjoy my (now short) remaining time in HK, have fun and have the best of it. And it’s not like I’m bailing out of my task, I’m still doing it a (very tiny) piece by piece.

And there’s another list that I want to make. A typical, new year’s resolution list. I tend to make this list(s) because it works quite good as a reminder to me of what I want to do/ achieve in the future (no limitation on ‘future’. It could be tomorrow/ next year). And I admit, it’s pretty good to be able to cross out the item on the list. It makes me feel.. mm.. content. It eases my mind.

kennymoron’s New Year’s Resolution (updated, as of May 2011):

• Lose weight (I think this item will always appears on my NYR list) – i did lose some weight, but gained it all back now
• Drink more water – not quite sure about this
• Do more yoga – less yoga to be exact
• Stop picking my face  (i finally stop!)
• Read all the novels in ALL TIME 100 Novels (it’s a bit too ambitious though because at the moment the status is 1/100, but never say never..)
• Stop shopping too much and start saving (need to start saving soon!)
• Start selling unused stuff on ebay
• Start investing
• Start a good master degree in reputable Uni
• Spend more time to sleep everyday (being unemployed gives you LOTS of time to sleep)
• Stop my binge eating habit
• Less coffee and artificial substance (like sweetener and instant food)
• Less bread and refined carbs

Okay, that’s all I could think off now. Oh! I just bought a super-awesome camera (a Panasonic GF-2) and I named it Juliet Jones. So I think for now on I’ll decorate this blog with the pictures that I take.

And here’s one of them:

Let’s hope (and THINK! POSITIVELY :)) that next year will be an even better year and I could cross out most of the items on my list. Fingers crossed!

update (as of May 2011)

Hmm, not so bad. I did cross some items on the list. I did make a progress, yay! And yes, I do realize that I still need to do (many) other things. But hey, the most important thing is that now I don’t have the bad feeling on the gut anymore! It is because (finally) I started to do what I need to do. And yes, I need to thank my friends because without them, I wont be able to do that.

So people, stop thinking too much and start doing what you need to be doing! I realized that what I did wrong is that I think too much about something without really doing anything about it. Thinking is good, but too much thinking could kill you (I seriously think that this is true).

*listomania – i made this word myself, which means crazy about making list. (Grammar police, pardon me about the thousand grammar mistakes in this blog. Me grammar no good. Me no native speaking english.)

*listomania – i made this word myself, which means crazy about making list.

Filed under Moody Post, the nonsense · Tagged with 2011, list, new year's resolution